Principles of WTF.........

Time has come for some more fun….


There are very few lectures in MBA where one can get 2 know about a lecturer from close quarters…..

….To an extent where we have info about the brands of soaps, shampoos, hand sanitizers, TV, radio, invertors, music system, mixer, grinder, table fan, bulbs, computer, laptops, AC, washing powder.…etc etc used by the lecturer.

And WE have got the privilege to be a part of such a lecture….one of its kind…J

‘MARKET’ enters the classroom on time…sometimes 2 min before schedule…which is a big issue for the ITEMS..(..this time I will include me....) who believe the lecture starts when they enter the classroom…:)

ITEMS are generally the victims of public transport… they leave their place well on time but never reach college on time…

they never get a seat to sit in local trains although they are 1st class pass-holders…no taxi-driver respond to their wave …a respected few just feel they have won half the battle if they reach college at any possible time…nd wat not…J …
…some gets treated like AVATARS as they come from the other side of VASHI-Bridge which many mumbaites are yet to xplore after staying in mumbai for more than 2 decades …J ..

‘MARKET’ continues….
She generally starts with not so important issues ..(..like ‘ wat is the next event in coll’…’ how was the speak for smile sessions ‘….(..where half of them were in tears..he he…)

…nd starts discussing with front-benchers who feel they have been selected for this TREAT….

…Last-benchers feel these jerks are chosen for this TORTURE…J …J

continues….Today I will start with Brand equity nd segmentation….asusual gives an example of

SURF…the way they re-positioned themselves at different point in time…
Some are good in copying whatever she speaks…

N.L.DALMIA has already finished writing 1 page in her copy…
MONACO…jumps inbetween…maam TIDE…

Maam just ignores it…
Again afta 7 seconds…maam TIDE…

Again she talks more about SURF as if she is their brand ambassador…
Again afta 4 seconds…maam TIDE…

This time…his efforts paid-off…she responded…yes TIDE…continues.,.

Tide have grown well in small time…
One Last bencher replies…(…its me guys…)....”Maam they have done well in Rural areas”…she replies…yes…

MARKET Continues…”I use only TIDE liquid..Its way ahead as compared to TIDE powder…It’s a bit costly ..But I prefer only quality”…..Who cares !!!!… J J

N.L.DALMIA has already finished writing 3 pages in her copy…
The same last bencher who comes to college from a remote place feels…people staying that side of vashi bridge are deprived of Regular 24*7 water supply…wat difference will TIDE liquid make in their life…weird…..:)
RAJU SRIVASTAV of e-biz cracks one PJ on tide that goes un-noticed…
Market continues…

RIN did not pick up well….becoz UJALA came in to business…they were offered at low price…

COMPLETE FRESHER replies…True maam…(..as if he had a bath with ujala this morning J )

N.L.DALMIA has finished writing 4+1/2 pages in her copy….suddenly her pen is running out of ink…she asks for a pen to RAJU…and he happily helps her..(…y anyone wuld say no to pretty girls…J .)

PANDU was closely watching the above scene nd felt bad…as he missed a golden oppurtunity to help her out…….never mind…Life is full of oppurtunities…J J

….. PANDU is one good guy in E-biz who is surrounded by all damsels ..he is a KANHAIYA....he never says NO to anything and helps them out by creating websites for them (webex1), by creating websites for them (webex2) nd by creating websites for them (webex3)…J J …

N.L. DALMIA is giving a tough competition to HINDI KAVITA in making notes....

Trust me ...HINDI KAVITA has well written notes even for subjects like Org behaviour nd Intro to e-biz....

He is the author for most of d notes that we r going to study in the forthcoming exams....Shraddha copy center have considered his notes as best sellers nd have already taken 100 photocopies for the next junior batch...:) :)

A guy in 2nd bench.. ..( ..Born in Britain…J …) ..is yawning for the 26th time which indirectly conveys the message…. “Maam We need a Break”……:J J

BREAK:

Immediately PSEC takes this opportunity to announce something very important…everybody takes a keen interest nd listens 2 him as its about their future STANDARD OF LIVING…means PLACEMENTS…J J…(...or else u wuld receive a mail in RED font …J J…so better be attentive…) …

Afta that ...
BRITAIN is already in his 2nd cup of coffee….
some have gone to have FRESH AIR at POINT….
Some are strolling desperately 2 find a group of friends…they just get kicked from every group...J
Some are in classroom itself completing the research paper that they want to submit by EOD…
Some are busy updating their status in FB back to “SINGLE”…J
BREAK ends….

MARKET has brought copies of case study which PANDU distributes in class making sure no one is left out…(…as I told u…he is a good guy…J …)

MARKET finds some students in class who have entered in Break …nd warns them to be on time in future…which… they won’t follow…J…they even don’t know the name of subject which MARKET is teaching………J J
Market continues…

My husband never gets any stains on his shirt so its easy for me to wash his clothes….
My brother carries lots of stains so I use brush to clean them….I prefer only HARIRAM brushes that removes the stains at one go…(…AGAIN WHO CARES !!!!!!!!!!!!!....he he…)…

GSEC is busy sending a mail to all E-BIZ students urging them to attend the Fresher’s nite even though it starts 2 hours late becoz of “ “ J J

…..nd sends a list of instructions that is to be followed …

N.L.DALMIA ….completed 17 pages…again running out of ink…this time KANHAIYA jumps in like SUPERMAN and lends her a REYNOLDS…J J …(…as I told u….life is full of oppurtunities…)

HINDI KAVITA is in his second copy....:) :)

MONACO again … “ maam VANISH “….

People are laughing …y is he asking maam to vanish….then APPLE completes his sentence

“…maam ..he is talkin about vanish washing powder…”

MONACO never completes the phrase that he speaks…he will say one word that becomes a puzzle for the whole class to crack…which we eventually do as WE are 4rom E-BIZ…skilled techies deprived of good teaching staffs…J J..

Slowly the lecture reaches its climax…..a subject named “ PRINCIPLES OF MARKETING”….where no student is aware of any principles related to marketing..:) J

NOTABLE ABSENTEES::

Drummer: …his Polarities are reversed as he is getting ready for an awesome performance at Fresher’s nite…J…dude…

Alum Sec: ‎He did just three things today; miss you, miss you, and miss you…J J

Prof Sir: BASIKALI …he has started writing his 5th book…(…finally he has understood…MBA is no longer required in his lyfe…)…J

CHATUR: He is appointed to monitor the spelling mistakes (…monotonocity…) that are bound to happen in the above book…he is in talks with HR of NANDU publications…. J

Complete fresher: ….Most of the time , he is mentally absent....Hence I included him in the list of absentees :) :)....

Thanks a lot for ur patience,
This especially goes to all the charecters whom I have mentioned in my above Blog...
I consider all E-BIZ classmates as my friends nd I hope the feeling is Mutual...:)...Plzz don mind

Its a figment of my imagination ...so take it with a pinch of pepper (..i used salt in my last blog...just 4 a change...) nd be in the spirit of E-BIZ....

Always remember
E-BIZZ rockzzzz....:)

RAMA....will cum up wid more new charecters hopefully...:)









…

MBA ...according to me..!!!!!!!!

More than 2 months in to MBA , I have slowly stopped figuring out where will I be after 2 years.....

After getting in to a reputed B-school (...whose reputation is at stake after my batch has joined this year...lolzz...), its been only about having hukkas, playing pool, watchin movies, playing FIFA, hanging out at snow point/gulshan, giving auditions for a fresher's nite (....that is scheduled to end before the nite begins...how weird...he he..), taking useless pics with i-pad webcam, deleting all the Research Center mails from the mailbox, updating innumerable google docs with name, e-mail id & mobile no , doing some PPTs where we put some effort to allign margin,pics,content and the rest all is Google zindabad, taking the keys of discussion room to discuss everything other than studies, standing for council elections with a 30 sec speech (...how in 30 sec u can convince someone to committ sucide..he he...), attending some vedanta sessions for mental peace (...that in turn makes u mentally sick...), attending yoga sessions ...where its only our eyes that does the yoga...(...hope u understand GUYS...)....etc etc

If we get some time out of all the above mentioned VALUE ADDITION programs , we try to attend some useful lectures which will decide which stream we shuld prefer ...( ..In turn we decide which stream we shuld not prefer ...)  basikali for ATTENDANCE....

Below is the scene of one such important lecture COST ACCOUNTING ..(...whose test we would be writing in HIGH SPIRITS afta the fresher's nite...he he..)..A lecture that is full of Student bashing....

' COST ' is entering the class at 10:45 am for a 10:30 lecture......

Hellooooooooooo...aaj kya itna hi log present hain....(...the class has already 45 + students still she feels its very less..)...
I will tell  'US'  if this continues..(...hoping that he increases the number of seats next year...which he will surely do..he he...)......lock the door ...

' DRUMMER ' (..that is the only moment when he is awake nd the rest are sleeping..) : 
maam....fff...zzz...sss...(....people start making noises as he has disturbed them from their deep slumber...)...

...technically we cannot stop other students from entering the class...even u r late by 15 minutes...so technically, gradually, manually, madly, deeply......

In the mean time, some of the greatest LATE LATIFS ( ...xcludin me..he he...) enter the class...
Maam got late ....becoz of train / bus / taxi...watever may be the reason...she screams...

Tum logon ko kya bartan maijna padta hain, jhadu pocha karna padta hain, bachon ko sambhalna padta hain, khana banana padta hain...nahi na....then y u people cum late....ghar se jaldi niklo na....

at dis point the lastbenchers have a good & loud laugh that is clearly audible till MIS's staffroom.....

she bounces back....HEELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

then takes in the late comers..(...they are consistent performers...they still cum late...)....

afta a lot of tribulations...the lec begins at 11.05 AM...

...all the commerce grads become alert....as that is the only time these people garner some followers...followers listen to them widout any fuss as they have no other option.....
Followers are specialised in  micro-biology, bio-chemistry, bio-tech, C++, antennas, radio-signals,mechanics,java, dot.net, circuits, ohm's law, kirchoffs law which is simply equal to garbage once u enter the industry....slogged 3-4 years for such a crap.. :) :)

'COST' continues....
I will start with bincard....(...immediately some CHATURS start taking down notes...)...
Kya likhta hain tum log....tumko stenographer banana hain kya...remember karna seekho...yeh MBA hain ...

HEELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......

...continue...stores ledger, ordering cost, carrying cost, total cost, annual demand etc etc...
some CHATURS are still taking down notes when COST is not luking at them...(...they cannot control their instincts..)...

HEELLOOOOOOOO........................

EOQ = root of 2* ann demand*..............

ALUMINI SEC pops out "...Maam it can also be argued that EOQ is essential when annual demand is strategically increased for the output to take over the input..."

A big bouncer for all FOLLOWERS ....they are lost ....cursing themselves for not taking commerce nd following wat their parents, frnds, mamas, chachas, neighbours have told them ...(...hence they are followers...he he ..)...

HEELLOOOOOOOOOO.............(...so many hellos while teaching !!!....then what she wuld tell to receive a phone-call...)

Suddenly one CHATUR throws a googly...maam

" We want to determine the optimal number of units of the product to order so that we minimize the total cost associated with the purchase, delivery and storage of the product. Will it be a good option to go with EOQ ?"
.........some FOLLOWERS have fainted ...some are sleeping nd rest are busy singing " I wanna chiggy-wiggy with you boy "......:)

' COST ' is surprised that how this chatur is so knowledgable...has he already done MBA once...nd replies...I will answer this at the end of the lec....

Another CHATUR....maam..maam..maam......BASIKLI....
(...people r waiting for the question...)....
"...I have done an analysis which will give the EOQ figures for all the sectors when the monsoon is bad...."

COST continues....
Who told you to analyse such topics...read what I have taken in the class....exxam mein wohi aayega....

...some COMPLETE FRESHERS are using this free time to crack PJss, spraying perfurmes nd whisperin "kya pakati hain yaar".....they always behave like freshers...:) :) ....

One FOLLOWER from last-bench strikes with a direct question ..."Will this EOQ be ever used in Industry experience ? Can u plzz name instances where EOQ is used ?"

COST starts feeling Y she started teachin EOQ 2 us....some last benchers are laughing their ass-out 4 no reason...COST looks at the GSEC and screams HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO............GSEC immediately behaves like a council member...:) :)...

Slowly the lec comes to an end and 'COST' continues....
I have completed your portion for this trimester ...from next lec I will take CASE-STUDIES ...(...there are enuf available in class...he he...)....

....some r busy updating their status in FB..." I am in a Relationship "....
...some r busy congratulating the above species for the feat they have achieved ..(...seriously... its a feat for GUYS..he he ...)
...some r wonderin..." How she can finish the portion ? ".....
....some have just attended their first lec in this course....
...some have just made a new copy for COST-ACCOUNTING...:) :) ...

...but thats how MBA works....

Experts say " TIME FLIES "....but i wuld quote " TIME FLIES WHEN YOU ARE HAVING FUN "...
accept MBA as wat it is...it wuld luk like fun...TC

Thanks a lot for ur patience,
....In my above blog, Any Resemblance to Actual Events or Persons Living or Dead is Purely Coincidental...:) :)...


Just take it with a pinch of salt nd be in the spirit of E-BIZ....always remember WE rockzzzz....:)
RAMA....